


daisy illusive

by maybetimeless, peachjelly



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: I don't want to spoil too much in the tags, Implied Character Death, M/M, don't read if you get scared easily?, hwangdeep are brothers, it was going to be fluff but then this happened, winkdeep4lyfe i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 18:08:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14624190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybetimeless/pseuds/maybetimeless, https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachjelly/pseuds/peachjelly
Summary: People say that dreams are constructed realities built on figments of imagination and the desires of the subconscious and he supposes that it’s true.Yet Jinyoung can’t stop wondering about the boy with constellations in his eyes and sweet lies on his lips.For the prompt: Where Jinyoung/Jihoon takes a specifically designed sleeping pill that would allow him to escape reality and slip into a lucid dream where he would be able to meet with his dead best friend/lover. However, dreams are merely dreams and every time he takes the pill - it gets harder to wake up.





	daisy illusive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [exsync](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exsync/gifts).



> If you are sensitive to fic content, please note the major character death. Other warnings can be found in the end note. -mod

It’s when Jinyoung lays down like this, head propped up by pillows and body wrapped safely under a thick blanket that he feels the thoughts wash over him like a swarm of flies. 

 

It’s when the otherwise busy streets outside his window are empty under the flickering lights of the streetlamps and when the sun has long, long bid temporary goodbye to the world in favor of letting the full moon flaunt its brilliance. 

 

When the only sounds he can hear is the ticking of the clock, a quiet hush in the stillness of his bedroom. The second-hand incessantly ticking away would have made anyone else uneasy but to Jinyoung, it had always instilled a sense of tranquility in him. Through the wall, he can hear Minhyun’s light snores coming from the room right next to his. 

 

Jinyoung, despite having competed in swimming when he was younger, can feel himself drowning in a sea of uncertainty and doubt. It’s pulling him by the ankles and eating him up from the inside while he’s desperately trying to reach the surface, a futile struggle because sleep won’t save him like a knight in shining armor.

 

Jinyoung sighs.

 

His eyes catches sight of the pile of books on his nightstand and he regrets looking when the anxiety inside him grows tenfold. The pile of books don’t end there; a quick glance around the room show that the books are everywhere, littering his desk and tucked in rows into the shelves mounted on his walls. 

 

Bae Jinyoung. Class president.  

 

The one who always has his nose buried in books, always scores 100% on the tests, future valedictorian. 

 

Teacher’s pet. The Outcast. 

 

Jinyoung squeezes his eyes shut. He envies those whom sleep comes to them like being enveloped in a gentle hug, for Jinyoung spends his nights haunted by high expectations and unrealistic goals, wearing his dark circles like permanent tattoos. 

 

Jinyoung pushes his legs over the edge of his bed and retrieves his bag where he kept a bottle of sleeping pills. They belonged to Minhyun, who would take them occasionally whenever work was too much for him and resulted in restless nights. He’d stolen it earlier after dinner from the kitchen cupboard when Minhyun had momentarily left for the bathroom and Jinyoung hoped that he wouldn’t suspect anything. 

 

Neither his parents nor Minhyun, his older brother whom he never usually kept secrets from, knew about his troubles and Jinyoung didn’t want to be a burden to them by making them worry about him, not when they viewed him as the perfect son that had taken after his perfect brother. They’d event let Jinyoung move out for highschool to live with him and even though he loved Minhyun very much and they had a good relationship, sometimes thinking about the older left a bitter taste in his mouth.

 

The door makes a small creak as he pushes it open and he hopes that Minhyun won't notice him sneaking out into the kitchen at four in the morning. He’s relieved to find only the moonlight greeting him when he stands by the sink, filling up a glass of water.

 

He’s never had sleeping pills before and while the side effects sounded a tad bit frightening – the label told him that those could be very deep sleep, memory lapses and eventual hallucinations, among others – at this point, Jinyoung supposes that he has nothing to lose. 

 

It’s either he gets sleep or no sleep, and he was far too accustomed with the latter than what a normal boy his age should be.

 

The pills feel like gravel travelling down his throat and he gulps the water down rather reluctantly. The lights switch on when he puts the glass back into the sink and he stills. Jinyoung turns around, a smile curling his lips and excuses ready at the tip of the tongue.

 

“Minhyun?” 

 

Jinyoung’s smile falters when it reveals no one by the doorframe. 

 

Strange. Thinking about it, he hadn’t heard any footsteps approaching and Minhyun’s light snores could still be heard coming from his bedroom.

 

Shrugging his shoulders, he flicks the switch off and returns to his bed, facing the wall. 

 

He’s already starting to feel drowsy, which surprises him and he welcomes the feeling, reveling in the fact that he might be getting a good night’s sleep after all, something he’s been craving for long that he can’t bring himself to feel bad for going behind his Minhyun’s back.

 

Just as he flutters his eyes close, he senses a motion in his peripheral view.

  
  


When he opens them again, Jinyoung finds himself at a playground – the one right opposite of his highschool, with a warm breeze whispering in his hair and face to face with one of the most beautiful boys he’s ever seen. 

 

Jinyoung squints his eyes but he can’t tell if it’s because of the sunlight blazing down on them or if it’s because of the bright smile the boy is sporting. 

 

“Who are you?” Jinyoung squeaks rather unattractively and the boy snorts. He’s sitting on the swing next to Jinyoung’s, feet pushing off the ground and rocking the swing forwards. Upon noticing the surprise on Jinyoung’s face, his smile grows even wider. 

 

“Park Jihoon. It’s me, your childhood friend!” The boy answers, tilting his head.

 

When seconds pass and Jinyoung shows no attempts of recognition, Jihoon rolls his eyes. 

 

“I can’t believe you don’t remember me. We used to be so close! Buddies since kindergarten, you know?” he nudges Jinyoung’s shoulders with his own to emphasize his point but Jinyoung isn’t entirely convinced.

 

He glances over at Jihoon’s features. Jihoon is wearing a red track suit that compliment his broad shoulders underneath, twinkling eyes that watches Jinyoung with amusement, a sharp nose that go well with the pair of pillowy lips redder than the tracksuit. Jihoon sends him a wink and fake pouts when Jinyoung remains unaffected.

 

Jinyoung frowns. Surely he must have remembered someone as handsome as Jihoon if they were childhood friends? Despite having never seen him before, he doesn’t shy away from Jihoon’s gaze like he usually does with strangers and he takes it as Jihoon holding a truth to his words. 

 

Before he can dwell on it further, Jihoon pushes their swings closer.

 

“Let’s swing together!” he exclaims and for the first time in a while, Jinyoung laughs. 

 

Jihoon returns it with megawatt one, enough to supply a powerstation for a year. “You’re cute when you smile, Bae Jinyoung. You should smile more!”

 

Jinyoung has never had someone call him cute before, other than his own family and especially not by a boy this handsome and so he can feel his ears flushing. He hopes Jihoon doesn’t notice. “How do you know my name?” 

 

Jihoon charges backwards, with Jinyoung following suit. “I told you that we’re childhood friends! Did you forget already?”

 

They swing together in unison, light laughs escaping their lips and as they go higher and higher, Jinyoung feels himself relax. Jinyoung feels free, like no responsibilities are weighing him down and trapping him to his doubts and he wishes that it’s a feeling that could stay.

 

There’s a childish sense of joy filling the air, azure blue backdrop to the comforting layers of cotton littering the sky. 

 

Jinyoung has no idea for how long they’ve been swinging, only that the sky has started to transcend into warm shades of orange when he feels Jihoon’s arm snake around his waist.

 

Jinyoung tenses. 

 

Jihoon’s nails are digging into his sides, to the point he’s sure that it might break skin. When Jinyoung turns to look at him, question lingering in his eyes, there’s a smile etched onto Jihoon’s face, as if carved into porcelain.

 

Jinyoung returns the smile hesitantly. With a force he didn’t expect Jihoon to have, Jinyoung is all off sudden pushed off his swing and sent flying. 

 

For a moment the world is still and Jinyoung feels an inexplicable sense of calmness as the wind takes him up higher. He’s never really being scared of heights and it’s as if he’s watching everything in slow motion; from his position the world looks hilarious, so miniscule, the buildings like tiny colorful ants drawn to the playground situated smack dab in the middle with Jihoon is still swinging and waving at him to come down,

 

and then he’s falling, faster than a rocket, nearing the ground like a burning comet with every passing second, unable to decelerate, just about to become a red mush of limbs and shattered bones and porcelain pieces –

  
  
  


– and Jinyoung sits up with a gasp. His hands grips his sheets and they feel damp to his touch, not a surprise considering that he’s sweating buckets. Jinyoung exhales shakily. 

 

_ A dream _ . It had been just a dream, but it had felt so real. Jihoon’s laughter was still ringing in his ears, chiming like alarm bells.

 

He tries to time his breaths with the ticking of his clock, but now, the otherwise appeasing sound reverberates in his ears like an impending doom and does nothing more than to fuel his oncoming headache.

 

He makes a motion to turn around and get out of his bed but there is a presence next to him that he suddenly becomes aware of and Jinyoung looks up, startled. 

 

Minhyun is standing next to the bed, arms crossed and a worried expression on his face. Jinyoung wonders if worrying too much can cause wrinkles, and he must have voiced his thoughts aloud because the frown disappears and Minhyun cocks his eyebrows instead.

 

“You finally woke up? You’re lucky it’s Saturday because it’s midday. You missed breakfast but I put some away for you.”

 

“Thanks,” Jinyoung’s voice comes out a bit hoarse and Minhyun’s back to frowning, creases deeper. “It’s midday? I haven’t slept that long in a while.” He hadn’t expected the pills to be so effective.

 

“Are you sick?” Minhyun asks, immediately putting his palm to Jinyoung’s forehead. “You’re warm.”

 

“I’m fine. I just had a weird dream.” Jinyoung stands up but his legs feel weak and he has to steady himself against Minhyun, who thankfully, manages to catch him and supports him by putting Jinyoung’s arm over his shoulder. 

 

_ Stupid dream _ , Jinyoung thinks,  _ feeling so real that his knees still were shaky from supposedly falling _ . He didn’t know that his mind could get this creative, but then again, he’s used to only studying and writing academic essays, not exploring his creative abilities.

 

They made their way towards the kitchen. Some soap-opera starring Lee Jongsuk was playing on the tv, like usual. The cliché dialogues reaches Jinyoung’s ears and he rolls his eyes, suppressing a smile. Like the closet romanticist Minhyun was, he knew they were just his brother’s favorite.

 

Seated at the dinner table, Minhyun is watching in astonishment as Jinyoung wolfs down his food.

 

“I’ve never watched you eat so fast before. Make sure you chew before you swallow,” he fusses and hands Jinyoung napkins. 

 

Jinyoung just grins. Sometimes Minhyun nagged at him more than their own mother, but Minhyun was right. Jinyoung doesn’t know himself where all this appetite came from. He’s usually the type to take his time to properly savor his food.

 

“Nice tracksuit by the way. When did you get it? I’m glad you’re wearing something colorful for once,” Minhyun smiles.

 

“Huh?” Jinyoung stops chewing. “What are you talking about?” 

 

Jinyoung usually wore a t-shirt and pajama pants to bed and truthfully he doesn’t think he owns any tracksuits other than the gray one they had to wear for school. 

 

In fact, Jinyoung doesn’t think that he owns anything colorful at all for that matter and when he glances down, all he can see is  _ red. _

 

In an instant, Jinyoung feels chills run down his spine and goosebumps erupt on his skin like fire.

 

“It’s nice. It suits you.” Minhyun walks out the kitchen and sits on the couch, tapping on the remote control to turn up the volume. “Hey Jinyoung, you have to watch this! Don’t you sometimes wish you had a sweet relationship just like in these dramas? Jaechan just found out that Hongjoo is his childhood friend!”

 

Jinyoung’s fingers are shaking when he brings them to the hem of the jacket. Slowly, he pulls up the fabric to reveal his sides, heartbeat thudding in his ears. 

 

He doesn’t know what to expect but what Jinyoung certainly did not imagine to see was nail marks dented into his skin in reds and blues, formed like tiny crescent moons. 

  
  
  


Jinyoung doesn’t meet Jihoon again until a few weeks later.

 

By then Jinyoung’s forgotten about the dream, tracksuit thrown into the deepest parts of his closet, too occupied by the workload at school and too stressed over the upcoming final exams to remember. He’s not been getting enough sleep as well, nights spent alternating between microsleep and studying.

 

He’d gone through his year books but hadn’t been able to find anyone close to resembling Park Jihoon. There had been another Park in his class, Park Woojin, and they were still classmates to this day, but they were not friends, and Woojin was too different from someone like Jihoon. While Woojin had an intense and observing gaze that showed intelligence, Jihoon’s eyes had been bright yet deep, sucking him in like polar opposites of a magnet. 

 

Jinyoung had also asked Minhyun about Jihoon who seemed confused and told him that even as a kid, Jinyoung had spent recess burying his nose in books and thus hadn’t really been able to make any friends. 

 

So where had Jihoon come from?

 

People say that dreams are constructed realities built on figments of imagination and the desires of the subconscious and he supposes that it’s true. Yet Jinyoung couldn’t stop wondering about the boy with constellations in his eyes and sweet lies on his lips. He hadn’t dreamt about anything else ever since, and the only rational conclusion that he could come to was that it must have been because of the sleeping pills.

 

Minhyun had complained about him staying up a lot and telling Jinyoung to get sleep but even when he tries to, he ends up tossing and turning in his bed all night long, unable to sleep either way. At least by sitting in front of the pile of books on the desk Jinyoung can pretend that he’s doing something productive.

 

His bloodshot eyes, a product of his lack of sleep go well together with his permanent dark circles, Jinyoung muses, while staring at his own reflection in the mirror. He’s brushing his teeth when an idea comes to him. 

 

Tomorrow was Saturday and if he wanted to study effectively during the weekend he’d have to get some quality sleep first, right? He wonders if Jihoon would appear this time too...

 

Jinyoung still had Minhyun’s pills stashed somewhere in his room even though he hadn’t used them since that time, but as Minhyun never noticed them gone and hadn’t mentioned about it, Jinyoung hadn’t found a reason to put them back.

 

He finishes washing up and heads toward his bedroom, not before getting a glass of water from the kitchen. He can hear the tap running from the bathroom and Minhyun’s voice singing to the OST track of the drama he’d been watching recently. Was the singer named Eddy Kim? Jinyoung doesn’t remember, but with Minhyun’s mellifluous vocals he could listen to the tunes flowing in his ears all day. Jinyoung had always thought that Minhyun should become a singer but his brother had always brushed him off with an embarrassed smile.

 

“I’m going to bed now! Good night, Minhyun!”

 

Taking the bottles of pills from his drawer, Jinyoung pops one into his mouth. This time, the pills aren’t as hard to swallow and he’s already anticipating the deep slumber.

  
  


The smell of sea salt fills his nostrils. Jinyoung can feel sand running between his toes and seaweed tickling at his feet. Water is soaking him up to his knees, ice cold despite the glaring sun high up in the sky, reflecting back at him on the water surface as specks of glimmers, telling him the endless myths of the ocean’s pearly jewels and hidden treasures.

 

“I missed you.” Jihoon is standing in front of him and looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and downturned lips, and all Jinyoung wants to do is to reach his hand out and smooth out the wrinkles with his fingertips.

 

So he does just that, and although Jihoon leans into his touch, small fingers holding on to Jinyoung’s elbow, the frown on his face grows deeper. 

 

“Why didn’t you come and see me? Your childhood best friend is feeling neglected.” Jihoon leans in even closer which allows Jinyoung to get a whiff of his scent. He smells like daisies, a stark contrast to the tangy smell of the beach.

 

Around them the sea is a symphony of waves wrecking havoc to the wailing wind, a natural orchestra playing the opening acts to the beginnings of a storm, but with their noses almost touching and Jihoon’s deep eyes reflecting his own, all Jinyoung can hear is his heart thumping louder than the waves crashing mercilessly against the rocks. 

 

Is this what Minhyun meant with a soap-opera romance? Jinyoung had never coined himself as the type to like someone without knowing them well. He wasn’t sure if he could call this anything remotely close to romance, if not just a simple attraction.

 

“I was busy.” Jinyoung looks down at Jihoon’s fingers, the same ones that he given him bruises weeks ago. It had taken almost five days for them to completely disappear. 

 

“And you’re not my childhood friend. I don’t know where you got that idea from,” he continues sheepishly. “You might be mistaking me for someone else.”

 

Jinyoung sees the corners of Jihoon’s lips stretch and he looks up. His usually playful smile isn’t quite reaching his eyes and Jinyoung promptly regrets his words. 

 

Jihoon gives him a piercing look that feels like it’s staring straight into his soul, but it disappears as quickly as it had appeared, making Jinyoung believe that he must have imagined it all. The waves grow bigger in size, splashes of water lapping at his back.

 

“Is that so? Maybe you just don’t remember. Anyways, I got a gift for you.”

 

It’s a seashell, not bigger than the size of his own fist, which Jihoon places in Jinyoung’s palm. It’s tinged with a pearlescent lilac, reminding him of the color of hyacinths. He’s never seen a seashell like this before and he looks at it in awe. 

 

He wonders where Jihoon could had possibly found something like this.

 

“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” 

 

Jihoon just nods, still holding onto Jinyoung’s hand. The natural orchestra continues, nearing its final act, wind howling in staccato. He can hear thunder nearing in the distance and behind Jihoon he can see that the sun has already started kiss the long horizon of Jihoon’s broad shoulders.

 

He wants to ask Jihoon if they could get out of the water and go somewhere warm when lightning promptly bursts from the heavens, charging the air with electricity. Sharp flashes of white clouds his vision and before he can react, the sound of a shell cracking registers in his his ears.

 

“Oh no! Looks like it broke.” With disappointment clear in his features, he chances a look at Jihoon, who to his surprise just remains indifferent. 

 

He’s about to apologize again when Jihoon closes Jinyoung’s fist harshly and he gasps when the shards pierce into his skin. Shocked, he pushes Jihoon away with his free hand and stares as the red shards plunge into the water like sacrifice and colors it crimson. 

 

Above them the gloomy sky opens up with a roar and within seconds he’s drenched in a shower of ice.

 

He knows it now, why his heart can’t stop beating fast around Jihoon. It’s not because of an infatuation or simple curiosity. Had Jihoon told him that he was a siren meant to lure Jinyoung in with his alluring eyes and charming voice, Jinyoung would have believed him.

 

It’s fear.

 

Jihoon’s laughing at him now, at his fear-stricken face, charging forward to clutch at the front of his shirt and push him backwards, deeper into the ocean. The water reaches up to his torso now and Jihoon appears to be floating despite Jinyoung being almost a head taller. 

 

Seaweed is tangling around his knees like heavy chains and Jinyoung stumbles on his feet, swatting at Jihoon’s arm to let go but his grip is strong. His strength doesn’t come as a surprise; Jinyoung remembers that last time, Jihoon had sent him flying across the sky.

 

It was also what had released him from the clutches of the dream world and Jinyoung realises that it’s his cue to wake up.

 

And so with a deep breath, Jinyoung tips his head back and lets the ocean swallow him whole. 

  
  
  


When Jinyoung comes to, he can still hear water running in the bathroom. His closet is wide open and there’s a light gust of wind coming from his window. Other than the water running and the sounds of his heavy breaths, his room is silent. 

 

Confused and a bit dazed, he throws a look at the clock, which tells him that he’d only been sleeping for two hours. Last time he’d woken up at midday, but he felt like this dream had lasted longer than the first. 

 

But there’s something that doesn’t feel quite right, a nagging feeling prodding at him from the back of his mind, like a huge stone lodging at the bottom of his gut. 

 

He takes a look at the clock again. 

 

The second-hand is still.

 

“Minhyun? Are you still showering?” standing up from his bed, he feels something prick at his feet and he curses. It was like stepping on lego and he glares at the floor. His heart almost leaps out of his ribcage when he spots the broken pieces of sea shells littered all over his bedroom, continuing out of his room in a long trail.

 

Careful as to not step on any sharp pieces, Jinyoung maneuvers himself out into the hallway. His hand stings and he doesn’t have to check to know the cause.

 

The hallway is dark, save for the light emanating from the cracks of the bathroom door and the wisps of moonlight seeping through the kitchen window. His feet touches the wet carpet and he makes a face. It’s almost as gross as having wet socks and Jinyoung shivers in disgust.

 

The sound of rushing water intensifies with every step he takes after the trail of shells and he can feel, more than see, the water streaming out beneath the door in long floods. 

 

“Minhyun?” 

 

Jinyoung brings a trembling hand up to knock at the door. “Minhyun? Are you there?”

 

The water is cold, chilling even and it dawns upon him that Minhyun must have been in there for a while for the water to turn this cold. 

 

Jinyoung knocks again, persistently this time, knocks again and again until his knuckles turn white. He can feel the anxiety rise with the water level, his mouth feels dry and he feels like he’s suffocating. 

 

“Minhyun!”

 

The only reply he gets is the sloshing of water at his feet. He takes a few steps back, ready to kick in the door when a calm voice permeates through the air. 

 

“I would suggest you to not go in there.” 

 

It’s Jihoon’s voice, coming from behind him. Jinyoung freezes.

 

Was he still dreaming? There was no way that Jihoon would exist outside of his dreams. Jihoon was just a figment of his imagination, something he’d made up to entertain himself during sleep, to make up for the lack of friends he had in real life. 

 

“You still think that I’m not real?”

 

Jinyoung turns around slowly, a smile plastered on his face. He must be in a very deep sleep then, if characters in his dreams now would be able to read his thoughts. Jinyoung supposes that he’d just have to endure it for a bit longer if he wanted to wake up. 

 

Jihoon stares back at him blankly, a cold look in his eyes. He’s wearing the same red track suit Jinyoung had seen him in when they first met. Jihoon’s eyes are glowing in the moonlight, appearing yellow, like that of a venomous snake and he watches Jinyoung attentively, scrutinizing his every movement. 

 

He’s holding a familiar bottle of sleeping pills, the same bottle that Jinyoung had stolen from Minhyun. Jinyoung feels relief wash over him and wordlessly accepts the pills Jihoon puts into his palm. 

 

Without hesitating, he swallows them dry, sending Jihoon a tired grin after. Jihoon doesn’t return it. 

 

He squeezes his eyes shut, ready to wake up to Minhyun nagging at him and cooking him a delicious breakfast. After this, he’d also come clean and apologize to Minhyun, and never take sleeping pills again. Not if he’d have creepy dreams like this everytime.

 

Water is still sloshing at his feet and Jinyoung feels like he could be floating in air. His limbs feel like jelly, like he could disintegrate into puffs of nothingness and he starts to feel light-headed. 

 

Before he succumbs to the feeling, there’s a soft pat on his cheek and he can hear Jihoon’s whispering voice waft into his ear from a point somewhere above him,

 

“Silly Bae Jinyoung. You think this is a dream?”

**Author's Note:**

> – this fic is for the lovely june (exsync)! ♡ 
> 
> Sorry if it turned out totally different from what you imagined! I swear I was going to make it fluffy ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> I'm scared that you won't like it and that it's really crappy and doesn't make sense but oH WELL...   
> I really really admire you! Even though you don't know who I am ;-)
> 
> I tried to make it slight mystery/horror-ish and there are some allusions to anxiety and derealisation. I hope that no one was triggered by the themes and I'm in no way saying that these characters represents them in real life. They're fictional and their names were borrowed for the purpose of this fic! I hope my use of figurative language and symbolism wasn't too funny and actually Makes Sense™. English isn't my first language so I hope there weren't too many grammatical errors.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading it! If you have any questions I'll reply to them in the comments after the reveals.


End file.
